I wouldn’t know where you were on Friday, May 1, 2009. It was a day set aside for workers in the land known as “WORKERS DAY”. That day I decided to work on the most cherished aspect of my life; my marriage. Why? God has used my marriage to turn the story of my life around for the best.

I grew up with the burning desire to be in a position to help others. I love to help, make people feel good about themselves but despite my desire to help, I myself needed help. I did not know how to go about it.

I had no money or a royal background to help me achieve this burning desire. I was not as bold either. Until I met my husband, who was able to crack the code and patiently analyzed my desire to me and what the demands are.

He decided to be my coach. Till now, I am still learning, getting better by the day as we both move together as soul mates on assignment to touch humanity where it matters. This explains why my marriage is dear to me.

I was invited by the founders of Living Home Foundation, Pastors Bisi & Yomi Adewale, to the May edition of “Marriage Renewal Conference”. It was a worthwhile investment for me.

One of the things I learnt was different type of marriages. The session set me thinking as to mirror my marriage and discover where I am missing it and then adjust. I have the mind to keep our marriage alive, soul, spirit and body.

I believe you have the grace to access yours correctly as I have done. If you cherish your marriage then read this text from Pastor Adewale’s book “Hot and Sizzling Marriage”. As usual this book is a must read so as to enjoy not endure marriage anymore.

Types of Marriage

It is important that you read this portion very well and try to improve on your own marriage.

We have four types of marriages which we call Type A to Type D marriages.

Type D Marriages: This is also known as ‘VETERAN MARRIAGE: This is the marriage of couples who have lived together for a long time. Their marriages are full of strife and open brawls but that has ceased, not because they are now fine, but because they are too old or too weak to fight. Now they are not foes and are not friends, they just live their life as it comes and wait patiently for the day of their demise.

In this kind of marriage, there has been an emotional divorce and mental separation. They have almost nothing in common. Oneness is dead, fondness is zero, and togetherness is a strange grammar.

But it is full of unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment malice, keeping records of old wounds, vengeance, nagging, etc.

Type C Marriage: This is also known as ‘COMBATANT MARRIAGE: This is full of fighting, open quarrels and scuffles, public embarrassment of one’s partner, wife battering, bickering, shouting, cooking strife action by the wife, sexual denial, hunger strike (rejection of food by the husband) reporting each other to families, friends, neighbors and colleagues, competitive spirit, and become sworn enemies of each other.

This kind of marriage is very common. It is around us. You and I can name couples in this category. One wonders whether they were ever in love, but the truth is, they were once in love.

They were jolly friends, inseparable lovers and companions, most especially before and immediately after wedding. Before they got to this stage they must have passed through “Type B” marriage before they graduated to Type C level. If it does not break down, it eventually grows into the Type D unless they seek professional counseling to improve their marriage.

Type B – MONOTONOUS MARRIAGE: It is a boring marriage, full of routine. Romance has been shot dead, friendship has flown, playfulness has reduced to a dot, communication has dried up. There is boredom in the bedroom, loneliness, “aloneness”, solo syndrome, unmet expectation, focus only on job and career or on children, enjoying company of others instead of being with one’s spouse, loving to travel away from home, or coming late from office without any justifiable reasons for it.

Causes Of Monotony In Marriage

Things that do make marriage to become monotonous can be divided into two:

External causes

Internal causes

External causes involve the following:

Daily routine. If you allow your marital life to form a pattern, a routine, then it will get to a stage you will get bored. That is why you need to learn to spice up your marriage. On routine, basis, you need to begin to do something that is unusual to each other, like dating each other, playing together, eating out, etc.

Irritation. Living together will reveal some “bad” aspects of your spouse to you, which can be irritating. If you focus on this irritation, you will get bored with your marriage. But if you learn to live above them, you will discover that they are not really irritating after all.

Family pressure. This can also affect intimacy in marriage. Romance may be difficult when bills are rising and account is in red, but with openness, and trust in God you can also overcome. Never allow money to destroy your marriage.

Busyness. Jobs, Religious and social commitment can affect love life. We can handle this by taking less responsibility outside the home and learn how to spend the little time you have together judiciously.

Internal causes

These are things we cause through our actions, reactions and inactions. They are:

Lack of communication

Lack of attention

Withholding of affection

Failure to appreciate

Routine sex life

Sexual denial

Deliberately hurting each other

Lack of togetherness

Wrong association

A wise man said, “Marriage becomes uninteresting and very difficult when it is starved of its food of communication, affection, attention and appreciation.”

TYPE A (HOT AND SIZZLING) MARRIAGE: It is a romantic marriage, full of love, kindness, care and companionship, it is healthy and full of life. This isn’t simply because they are not fighting.

People involved are best of friends. They are lovers; they are not just house mates, they are room mates, bed mates, talk mates, play mate and soul mates.

It involves togetherness, fondness, oneness, friendliness, playfulness, hugs, non-sexual toughing, intoxicating love, high level communication, talking, jesting, homeliness, jokes, laughter, surprise gift and high intensity love making. The plan of God for your marriage is for it to be a “TYPE A” marriage, so that you can enjoy what heaven feels like on earth.

Monogamous marriage needs not become monotonous. It is possible to be married to a man or woman throughout your life and still remain deeply in love years after you said “I do”. But this will not happen automatically because the natural tendency of a field is toward the wilderness. If you don’t tender it, it will grow wild with weed. If you leave your marriage unattended to; it will grow stale and cause you deep trouble.

Marriage is like a new born baby; it needs to be tendered. It is like a flower; it needs to be nurtured. It is like a glass cup; it is fragile and it must be handled with care.

“Through wisdom is a house built and by understanding it is established. And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong, yea a man of knowledge increaseth strength. For by wise counsel thou shalt make they war and in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Wisdom is too high for a fool; he openeth not his mouth in the gate.” Proverb 24:3-7.

Your marriage can only be built by wisdom. “Through wisdom is a house built…” Not through nagging, not through sexual denial, not through fighting or wife battering.

“And by understanding it is established…” You can only establish your home through understanding. Understanding of your husband/wife, understanding of what marriage is all about, understanding of what the scripture says about marriage, romance, sex, parenting and family life in general.

Without wisdom and understanding, it will be difficult to have a hot and sizzling marriage. Marriage problem is not in-laws problem; it is not money problem; it is not sex problem; it is simply a wisdom problem. Ignorance still remains the number one killer of marriage.

Let’s work together in building a TYPE A marriage to make your home a place God can dwell, to build a romantic marriage; a place of love and care; a place of peace and absolute rest, joy and God’s presence.

N.B: Get a copy of Hot and Sizzling Marriage from our Bookstore.