Foundation is the most important part of a building that is not visible. How well a structure stands is determined by the quality and the right mix of materials the builder puts in. It takes discipline on the part of the builder to follow the structural specification of a construction so as to have a good strong and durable structure. The need to adhere to specification of instructions for marital unity is vital.

Unity is a catalyst to an enduring and enjoyable marital life. Lack of unity in marriage brings resentment, and if not checked, could develop into hatred. This could graduate to enmity. More marriages have become a thorn in the flesh of couples because they lack unity.

In a home where there is no harmony, husband and wife suspect each other. They compete to outdo each other not on progressive things but on hurting each other. Such a marriage has lost good feelings and affection. This is a waste of God given life. For there is no way such a union can succeed on any project, business or career. A heart full of bitterness and thirst for revenge cannot think up a creative way to prosper or be wealthy. It thinks on negative things that can lead to destruction; such a heart is unproductive as far as success in life is concerned. Following the specification of an architect on the structure of a building helps to give a beautiful edifice – just as you cannot despise or ignore UBA Tower in Lagos Island. For unity in marriage, there are specifications to follow; and thus demands discipline.

Structurer Specification: To achieve unity in a marriage, the husband and the wife have specific roles to play. Where any of them fails, they live to pay the price.

Choice of Marriage Partner

The husband has the responsibility to choose a wife he can love, cherish, admire and shower his affection on. There is need to check well before you make your choice. Why? Because the summary of all that is expected from you by the Originator of marriage is to “LOVE YOUR WIFE”. No condition is attached to it because you made the choice. God will only guide you to choose right, if you consult him. Outside of that, you are on your own. With God, whatever you think is good for you, His grace shall be available to see you through.

Loving your wife is not optional but a must for the husband – if he desires a pleasurable marriage.

To the wife:

Her foundation for unity in her matrimonial home starts from her making the right choice of a man she can honour and respect. Why? Because wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. Submission to your husband is in obedience to God’s word and is an act of faith in God and His word.

In all, the word says, no exception. (Ephesians 5:24). If you desire unity in your home, submission is the key. That is why you must fall in love to a man whose judgement you can believe. Respect his way of life, his intellectual ability as you continue to pray the spirit of God into him so as to prevent the spirit of error from entering into him. You just have to submit so that you can enjoy his love. You have been wired to desire his love and nothing else can fill that gap. The love of your husband adds glamour to your person. It is that important.

According to Pastor S.A. Oluwatade in his book “Marriage Plus”, a must read for people who desire a progressive and fruitful marriage. He writes “marriage relationship is a thing of the heart. It is a deliberate attempt to do all within your reach in order to please the other person in the relationship: not focusing on personal happiness and self-realization but on what can benefit the other part in the union”.

I will suggest you fear God first. Then doing all within your reach to please your spouse will not be difficult.

Knowing the demand of marriage and the determination to discipline yourself to be in line with what it takes help to put the right foundation for unity in your marriage. A woman must submit under her husband because God never designed her to be the head of the man. Where the man (husband) is the one receiving orders from the woman (wife), there will be trouble. Jesus Christ cannot be the head of such a home. And whereby you, the husband, fails to love your wife, you will be held responsible for the failure of your home. No excuse! So it takes knowledge and discipline to lay the foundation for unity and harmony in marriage. The cord of love and unity shall be strengthened in your home and in Nigeria in Jesus Christ name.

In my next column, we are going to examine the negative effects of lack of love and submission in marriages. See you then!