There are men and women who change marriage partners as frequently as the situation demands. This is a very bad way of life for either of them. It is not possible to see or marry a perfect husband or wife. It is lack of understanding of who a man or woman is, that causes many to change partner frequently.

Some are married but not in the marriage, just because they lack the knowledge necessary for a stable and suitable marriage. This makes such persons endure instability. This column is taking time to explain why people go into captivity for lack of knowledge.

MAN AND HIS EMOTIONS:

Men like to hide their real feelings and emotions in certain situations just to protect their pride of manhood. The laughter of some men does not mean all is well. Most men are not emotional while there are those who are as emotional as women. Every man desires his wife to understand him. They have the heart to do good for their wives. So it takes a woman who knows how to manage these emotions that can truly understand the man.

MAN’S POWER

Man is specially designed to invent, discover and explore. This is man’s reality which if a woman believes with him, should give him the serenity and relaxation to think, so that the best of him can come out.

It is a fact that women are getting into the trench to invent, make better our technological developments, scientific discoveries and explorations. But the first Man, Adam, demonstrated the brain power with which man is endowed. Asides giving of names to every creature including his wife, Eve, he beautifully arranged the garden where God placed him.

Psychologists are of the opinion that despite all what has been discovered, computers, electronics, terror striking, instruments of war, etc, an average person only uses 25-30% of his brain potentials. The most cherished asset of man is his brain power and his physical strength.

God gave him special physique full of energy for the purpose of tilling the ground to support his family as well as to recreate the world. God had to confound man’s language so as to restrain him from what he had imagined to do at the Tower of Babel. The potency of the imagination and creative power wired into a man is so unique. The supremacy of God had to come to play so as to stop the rebellious project of the Tower of Babel.

A lot of what a man becomes in life lies on the proper and effective use of his brain. Men are meant to be very thoughtful, always looking for a world to conquer. A man does not like noisy environment because his brain, his powerhouse works better when alone and quiet.

The chemical combination of the brain of a man is made perfect by God. This is why the devil will prefer to derail a man’s brain so as to affect his glorious destiny. Once the brain is affected every other thing turns upside down. Fathers and mothers ought to pray not only for themselves but more for their children; that no corruption should affect or influence their brain.

Every woman should know that as far as sexual desire is concerned, men are the aggressors. Because of this tremendous reproductive, exciting power they possess, while the decent, God-fearing men abide within their marriages to meet this sexual need, the uncontrollable men have taken to the streets pouring their creative, reproductive and life-giving power everywhere without caution. And that is why God says to such men that the best of their strength they shall use to serve another man’s children. Prov. 5:8-11 says:

“Remove your way far from her (strange woman).And do not go near the door of her   house. Lest you give your honour to others, and your years to the cruel one; lest aliens     be filled with your wealth, and your labour go to the house of a foreigner, and you mourn at last, when flesh and your body are consumed.”

This shall not be your portion forever!

Stories abound today of men who are caring for another man’s children living theirs to suffer, begging for attention. Because their fathers lack control over their sexual power, they go into captivity. Many colourful destinies have been polluted due to a lack of caution about where to enter and find pleasure.

God’s instruction is supreme to any condition. In His wisdom, He has limited the sweet, exciting and beautiful sex to an experience between a legally married husband and wife. Anybody who tries sex outside marriage is putting his or her future in disarray. And God cannot be mocked, whatever a man/woman sows that he/she shall reap.

Having some basic knowledge of your mate before marriage will not only help your decision-making, it will help in the adjustment stage of your marital relationship. The race of life is better run applying the right knowledge and skills per time.

Knowledge is needed for relationships to work. Knowledge for good marital life differs from one needed for successful parenting. The knowledge to relate with your wife and children differs from the one with which to relate with your parents or in-laws. That is why acquiring knowledge is a continuous exercise for whoever desires to be a person of respect and honour all the days of his or her life.

The marriage institution is having loads of irresolvable cases today which have cost many their glorious destinies. Some are merely living, frustrated and they have dropped out of the race of life.

The misunderstanding people have in today’s marriage stems from a lack of knowledge, wrong assumptions and high expectations. The Bible says, “My people have gone into captivity because they have no knowledge…” (Isa. 5:13)

Right knowledge with adequate understanding of who your spouse is, is very crucial to the joy, peace and progress you experience in your marriage. In a marital relationship, you are expected to live with your partner; eat, drink, sleep, walk, travel, quarrel, settle and be happy with your spouse in all things until death.

This cannot happen without good knowledge of who he or she is. The more you know each other, the better you relate in love.

How do you know what you need to know about your spouse?

You may not likely get the whole facts before you sign the dotted lines but you will have a glimpse of who your partner is, which may be enough for your decision and choice.

l               You have to help yourself by gathering the available necessary information about that person. See to it that you know all you should know. This will help you avoid going into captivity.

l               Accept facts, truths and realities. Many people try to pretend to be what they are not in order to achieve an aim without considering the end result, which I think is a terrible error. You have to accept the facts and realities when you know them. Then you can make up your mind for better, for worse.

I want to take my readers through those things you need to know about the man and woman as far as marital life is concerned. This will come in series.

Let’s look at the Nature of Women in Marriage

The Domineering Nature of Women

Naturally, women wants to dominate. Women are products of need. And as Adam said, “…this is now the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh.” The woman completed the work of creation. She arrived when every other thing was in place; suffice to say in abundance. The garden was already made; man had finished the work of naming all the animals.

This explains why a woman always want to arrive in a well-made and kept house, where all facilities to make life worth living already exists. Men are made to physically by reason of strength and their leadership grace, provide for what their wives will need before they cleave to the bone of their bone.

And when his woman comes, though she may not contribute a dime to what the man had before she joined him, she naturally dominates everything. Eve dominated everything and that is why she had the boldness to taste the fruit when the devil tempted her in the absence of Adam.

Whatever a woman finds on arrival in her husband’s house cannot be removed from her. That is why it is not good for a man to borrow items to decorate his house for the arrival of his wife. It will be difficult for you to remove such an item because your wife sees it as her property.

A woman’s domineering nature is good if used in love, constructively and in a positive manner. But it could be very dangerous if not exercised in moderation. There are women who will even stop their spouses from giving out what they know they do not need while it is difficult for them to give what they believe is theirs.

This is where the Spirit of the Living God needs to be invited into the life of such women. The husband will save his life and the future of his family, if he can patiently seek God for His intervention as far as such a woman is concerned.

Men have to understand this nature of women in order to accept some of the unjustified attitudes they put up sometimes over material things. It is better for women to be born again; baptized into the Kingdom of God in their spirit, soul and body to be the best wives and mothers to their husbands and children respectively.

A woman is created to dominate her domain without outside interference.

Next week you will read, “The Security Consciousness of a Woman; and How to Help Her”

Nothing works until you conscientiously work it. For every good we desire to achieve in life, demand is made of us. Successful marriage takes sincere work and a walk with God.

Marital life is crucial to the overall success of an individual. It is an integral part of life which makes or mars many destinies. Successful careers or businesses and strong economic power without a good home is a secret pain that eat people up. That is why understanding the knowledge and skills that sustains marriage for marital bliss is important.

The saying that ‘love is blind’ may be true. But marriage will open the lover’s ‘blind eyes’, when there shall be no hiding place for the couple than to show their true personality. During courtship, there is room for pretence; hide-and-seek game is possible.

But once the dotted lines are signed and the society is invited to witness your good intention, to change your mind then becomes so difficult. At this point, you need to adjust, adapt and creatively find a way to be happy in yours as you look forward to helping each other to make good of what you have. People who move in and out of marriage at will create overwhelming problems for their future.

SHOW MUTUAL RESPECT AND TRUST

A husband and wife who want to please each other will be sensitive to the real needs of their spouse. Be alert to expressions of love that do not have sexual relations as their goals. Jesus Christ says “My sheep hear My voice…”

It is good to perceive what way and how best to help your partner. Could you believe your touch could be the only solution while you thought of either going to the hospital or seeking spiritual help? You are meant to lift the spirit of each other from time to time.

TALK UP THE GOOD QUALITIES OF YOUR SPOUSE

Giving example of the outstanding things he or she has done or has been doing; how intelligent or resourceful he or she is about what he or she does will really help. Voice them out to your spouse. It will enhance your partner’s creativity and worth. It is a sign of your respect for him or her which will go a long way to motivate him or her to want to do more of such good deeds.

A BAD THING THAT HAPPENS IN MARRIAGE

A husband may delight in humiliating his wife in the presence of others. Also, a wife may seem to seek every opportunity to belittle her husband in the presence of others by disagreeing or correcting whatever he says.

Some couples often use this method to repay some negative behaviour of their spouse such as lack of appreciation on the side of either partner (It is good to appreciate every gesture for it is still a show of love), lack of submission on the part of the wife and not showing love and commitment on the part of the husband. These are not good ways of solving marital crises.

It will be courageous for both parties to discuss the unpleasant habits together with mutual respect for each other in the atmosphere of give and take. Doing this will help them to avoid situations which could cause jealousy and hatred between such couple.

Couples should seek for ways to appreciate each other instead of humiliation and mistrust. Let the wife in humility create an environment for peace and unity in her home. She should learn to open her mouth in fewer times.

You cannot afford to be too hot for comfort. You should learn to overlook more things. Refuse to pass comments sometimes when people do things the wrong way around you. There are times people go out of their way to provoke you. But you can shock them by your mature ways of handling issues or situations.

CREATE TIME TO BE HOME WITH YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN

God expects you to use the wisdom He has given you to establish the right priorities in your life and your family. Give and teach your children and wife how to give in love and affection so that they will in turn give back to you as we all pray for good life and longevity.

If you fail to pay the right and appropriate price for satisfactory old age, you may end up enduring neglect by your loved ones. You need to care and love your spouse and children as you grow old. Whatever you give is what shall be given back to you when you need it the most.

Work your marriage to work for you! WSD

At the start of the second quarter of this year, this is the Word of the Lord to entrepreneurs and every entrepreneurial couple in Nigeria: “For you are divinely appointed as leaders and commanders of the people.” Though the situation around does not support the word, but faithful is He who has called you, who shall bring it to pass.

Businesses and those who run them in Nigeria are facing diverse challenges. It looks as if odds against entrepreneurs and their enterprises in Nigeria are mounting daily.

For some years, lack of regular electricity supply in Nigeria has been the devourer. The PHCN will not supply light; but at the end of the month, bills will be dispatched for payment for their poles and wires attached to your business premises. (Devourer Number One)

You get a generator. To run your generator, you buy diesel and service your generator so as to serve you well. (Devourer Number Two)

Diesel and Petrol: The little profit you are able to make is expended on buying diesel or petrol to run your generator. Servicing your generator costs money, and you have to save so as to replace your generator as and when due. Increment or bonus for workers is used up to generate power. This is a devourer not only to the employer but also the employee.

Another odd is the issue of lack of adequate skills for some enterprises which if the right hands are available would have added speed to the accomplishment and success of such businesses.

Also, some employed hands are lazy. Many want to earn money doing nothing. But the Word says, “He who would not work must not eat.” Equally, the cost of raw materials is not stable. It becomes difficult to plan.

At the end, the cost of production will be too high to charge the appropriate price for your product or service. In more sectors of our enterprises, competition is stiff. You have to play safe on all sides so that your product or service is not dumped on you. These and more are the odds against enterprises in Nigeria.

Not to forget the activities of terrorists which has brought business interactions to it barest minimum in some states? Businesses are forced to close down once life is no longer safe.

In times like these, there is bound to be confusion both in the head and mind. Throwing in the towel will look like the easiest way out but it is not the best. As an entrepreneur, you just have to stick in there; be persistent, persevere and be positive.

Your life is precious to God and those who earn their living through your products or services. The divine creative grace upon your life has placed you among the apostles to lead the others out of lack and want in life. You just have to be positive about the odds; be convinced that the light shall come.

God has given you His word that you will not labour in vain. You shall not die in struggle. His mark of life is upon you. There shall be no miscarriage of your quality ideas. He says He has removed sickness from your life so as to function in your optimal state of health and mind. No sudden death is allowed for you. And you shall long enjoy the fruits of your labour.

As an entrepreneur at a time like this, the place to turn to is heaven; God. While Moses was leading the Israelites through the desert after crossing the Red Sea, for three days, there was no water for his community. When eventually they found water, the water was bitter. Moses turned to God for the solution. He was given the solution which was not far from where he was.

The solution to your own problem may be very close to you, if you can look up to “the hills where your help shall come from.” Moses applied what was revealed to him as a result of his asking and the bitter water was sweetened. The struggle you are experiencing in your business and life today is for a while. Call on the Good Shepherd; seek the true God, the Father of Light, for the best way out.

Odds against business success are real but more real and sure are the promises of God for your life. So many strategies that work years back are failing. What people thought to be glorious ends are turning sour, full of disappointments with mounting debts to pay. But let God be your shepherd and you will be victorious.

Isaac the son of promise faced such challenges despite his divine position. Isaac fought loneliness, hostility, famine, isolation, frustration, quarrels; he dug many wells that were filled up by his enemies. But in the end, the enemies became his friends.

It is a question of time, every odd against the success of businesses and enterprises in Nigeria will be surmounted for victory. And the glory of your business and Nigeria shall show forth.

WHAT TO DO

Since you have made God your Shepherd in all the confusion, He is sure to show you the way.

Thus says the LORD: “Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls.” As you follow God’s instruction, you will come to your season of rest.

It is a new and glorious beginning for every entrepreneur in Nigeria. God is set to restore our businesses to life and health. You shall long enjoy the fruits of your labour.

Welcome to the second quarter of 2012.

Bible Passages: Genesis 26:28-29, Exodus 15:22-27, Exodus 23:25-26, Jeremiah 6:16, and Isaiah 44:3.

How true is this saying? “A woman’s place is in the kitchen.”

Man is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. Man is not from woman, rather woman from man.

In this 21st century, if anyone thinks a woman should only play role in the kitchen, it means that man is living for bread alone. That man is going against the word of Jesus Christ, “which says man must not live by bread alone.”

A man with such a mindset is blind and obsolete. Only men without purpose, men who are selfish and greedy have such thoughts; a man with a slave driver mentality is not a husband in this 21st century.

A woman is created to be a helpmeet to a man (preferably her own husband) which implies that man is meant to take the lead creating the good or bad work for which the woman should help.

A woman is to help her husband achieve his godly desires. And if food is the purpose for a man to live, then his wife must be in the kitchen.

It is time to discard the slave mentality; that master-slave mindset attached to girls, wives and mothers by some men. One can say a man who is truly the image and glory of God is a symbol of authority on his wife’s head. If a woman is from man, then it is what you call your wife she will be to you. For whatever Adam called living creatures is what they answer.

From this century on, let men expose their daughters and wives to good education, spiritual, intellectual, social and financial aspects too. Qualitative education is good for both male and female.

With the inclusion of women in government by President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GCFR), it is evident that women are not meant to be in the kitchen. But they are joyful to be in the kitchen for their husbands who love them; it is a privilege.

So far, Nigerian women are already proving what they are made of. Some examples are Dr. Dora Akunyili, former DG of NAFDAC, who was globally acknowledged for her excellent performance during her tenure at the agency; Dr. Mrs. Obiageli Ezekwesili, pioneer Head of the Budget Monitoring and Price Intelligence Unit (Due Process Unit) and is the current Vice President of  the World Bank’s Africa division.

Then there is the efficient Dr. Okonjo Iweala, Nigeria’s current minister of finance and supervising minister for the economy. She was former Managing Director of the World Bank before serving as both Minster of Finance and then Minister of Foreign Affairs during the Obasanjo administration. She is being considered as the next President of the World Bank when the current President steps down in June this year.

There is also Dr. Dieziani Allison-Madueke who is the current Minister for Petroleum Resources was also former Minister of Transportation and many other married women who stand out honourably in different spheres of life is the evidence that women are no more for the kitchen only.

The word says “man shall not live by bread (food) alone.” There is more to life than food. Though you cannot sustain life without food, achieving your purpose is the ultimate.

To woman and ladies, what will put you above negative mindset of men in life is to be exposed to good education coupled with the fear of God and to depart from evil; then you will be able to take your place more appropriately as God’s agents of fulfillment.

In the sight of God, anyone that accepts Jesus Christ as their Saviour and LORD are son’s of God. There is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus… And you are Abraham seed and heirs according to the promise. (Galatians 3:26, 29, I Cor. 11:11).

“Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman , nor woman independent of man, in the LORD, for has woman came from man , even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.”

The word of God is saying we should see ourselves as important in pursuance of our life mission, if success is desired. It is time to know that until men put women in their rightful places, they cannot really enjoy the blessings of God as in fulfilment. Women are divinely designed as agents of fulfillment for men.

Text: Gen. 2:23, Gal. 3:26-29, 1 Cor. 11:7-12

Entrepreneur Couples, who are building their families and business at the same time, will face an uphill task without divine presence. It is not easy to build anything that will last and give joy but when we have the word and the presence it becomes easy.

The Word says blessings and prosperity will be yours (Ps 128:2). You will enjoy the fruits of your labour. You will not toil in vain. God says ‘My people will leave in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, undisturbed places of rest (Isaiah 32:18). As couple embarks on building both business and family at the same time, it is interesting to note that God has made provisions for your success.

He knows there are obstacles to you accessing His inheritance and likewise he made a way to put every blockage or veil away. What I found out is that the promises are for those who fear, seek and call on God. Divine presence is our key to wealth, riches, ever-increasing prosperous live in a secured environment of peace.

The burden confronting couples today calls for urgent help. Many are confused. In their confusion they are looking for who will be their god father or Mother to lead them out or show them how to get relieve.

The spiritual burdens, emotional turbulence, physical harassments in different shapes and forms are all around, the yoke of ill-health amongst people who are are too weak to take on basic assignments that are supposed to lift them up from lower levels of life? Hatred here and there which one cannot explain why is tormenting many day and night.

Searching for spiritualist to help you will not take you far. It may give you temporary relief. From experience, even the people who say they are helping you are milking you. They want you to remain in turbulence in order to help them pay their bills as and when due.

Your burden or yoke is their meal ticket. It has been so from the olden days and it will continue, The Bible says: you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

This may continue unless you discover the truth and abide by it. Many years back I discovered how hopeless and helpless my life was; the ridicule, shame that awaits me if I should continue at that level of life. The vision of my life was given to me on a Saturday/Sunday Morning.

On Sunday morning, I got to the Church and cried to God. In my agony of poor hopeless state, God sent his words that revive my life. Act 4:12, Act 10:38, if salvation from poverty, backwardness, rejection and hatred could be found only in Jesus Christ who has been anointed by God to do that for the world. I reasoned within, then let me hand over my life to Him.

An inexplicable peace descended into my heart and I went out to declare my stand for Jesus Christ Who was before all Things, and in Him all things hold together (including my life). This was my understanding and conviction as the message came forth that morning.

He picked me up from the valley and blessed me with His presence. He gave me His Holy Spirit, who is my Helper, Illuminator and Guide.

And when God the Father, God the Son through Holy Spirit is in charge of your life, you have nothing to fear. Your conviction will be, ‘I have God’s presence with me. I am a carrier of divine presence, my case is different.’

You do not need to put your destiny under the power that will last for a while. Seek the Rock of Refuge that shall cover and protect you and yours when terrorist anger is raging; the one Who will cause the wicked to perish in all their wickedness against you and yours.

Accept and develop a strong relationship with Him who says, “touch not mine anointed and do my prophets no harm.” He says no one shall stand against you all the days of your life. People who gang up against you shall fall for your sake. This is divine covering for you provided you secure His presence.

Sometime in my life, the devil was closing up on my family to ridicule us. I called on Him, He answered by giving me a word in the book of Job 5:21, “you will be protected from the lash of the tongue and need not fear when destruction comes” This word came with peace all over me. A great joy fills my heart and that marks the end of the crisis.

It was true my husband was not among the recognized elite as at the time we went into Sports publishing business. We are both from low backgrounds. And so we cannot boast of being rich to stand us out in the business but the presence of God made the difference.

His grace delivers your glorious destiny that was meant to be ridiculed. The Word says those who put their trust in God shall not be put to shame and moreover whoever shall call the name of the Lord shall be safe. This is our testimony.

You may be in bondage of sickness, affliction or hatred, rejection, stagnation, name it. In your closet declare for Jesus Christ, who created all things in heaven and earth, both visible and invisible, dominions, principalities or powers. There is no way He will permit His creature to hurt you, who confess His Begotten Son as Savior and Lord and it is so real.

The world’s trouble is enormous; your rest can come when His presence is with you. Your home, family, husband, wife, children, business and career efforts come under His blessing when you secure divine presence. Go for God’s presence and reign in His contentment.

Rejection is painful at whatever phase or level of life. It is a common candy people prefer to give than to receive. But it is not the end of the road for you, when you are given.

In husband and wife relationships the moment care and affection start to fail, the party that observes must quickly call the attention of the other to what he/she has noticed.

Change is constant in life; what excites you today may not catch your fancy tomorrow; from one phase of life to another a person discovers things which may affect his/her mindset either for good or bad. That is why life is an adventure. Human beings are free to make choices and decisions.

Notwithstanding the quality and how favourable your choices, you are at liberty once you are eighteen years old to make them according to the law. Many are enduring marital relationships because of the fear of the stigma their spouse’s rejection may bring on them.

The thought of backwardness among peers, an eroded self-confidence, painful feelings, shame, loneliness and reproach have made many to live with ‘the devil’ they know rather than ‘the angel’ which they do not know.

It is ignorance and fear of the unknown that could cause you to allow anyone to trample upon your glorious destiny in the name of marriage. It is not easy for two to co-exist without disagreements; it could be spiritual, physical, social, ethnical, etc.

The two should be so compatible that they share ideas and interests in common. Rejection will not just happen. There would have been an influence through knowledge or an interest which one of the parties comes about.

Change of status causes some to want to change their spouse. There are records of women changing their spouses and men marrying new wives that match their new status in the society today especially in the political arena.

Pleading with such men and women not to go that way is often an effort in futility. It is a fact that anyone who decides to reject his/her spouse has an agenda. If he/she is to make real that desired transformation in his/her life, and the issue of the wife/husband attempts to be a stumbling block, he/she will not hesitate to hire a bulldozer to pull down the roadblock.

However, marriage is not meant to be treated in this way. Marriage is sacred unto God. But it is being run by men. Marriage is made for men and women. They are not created for marriage. Marriage is created for the joy and fulfilment of men and women in life. It is now left for him/her to make the choice of how he/she runs the affairs. One thing is sure; the consequence of your choices and decisions await you. This is where you will have no say.

My question is do you need to plead with your spouse who rejects you? Your pleading depends on the reason he/she gave for his/her action.

A true life story was told of a businessman who in a six year old marriage, showed much resentment, lack of care and affection for his wife and his two boys. All the while, the wife tried to endure the situation, hoping for a positive change.

Amidst all these, one day the man told her they had come to the end of the road with their marriage. It was a rude shock to the wife and despite her pleading and begging, the husband forced her out. The intervention of everyone contacted was resisted by this man.

The father in-law (the wife’s father) decided to go and see what could be done to rectify the situation. The reason given by his son in-law shocked him to the point where he decided there was no need to plead further.

The husband said, “your daughter is being rejected not because of any error of hers; I just discovered she is not my type of wife. Her quality is not good enough for me. She is below my standard.” That comment put an end to any begging and pleading. The father in-law was short of words, so he thanked him for giving him audience and pleaded with him to please take good care of their two children so that they will match his chosen standard of life.

What a way to reject your spouse! It could be either way. Now think of it. What type of pleading are you going to offer somebody with this burning desire in mind? What is his standard? Do you know? Even when you want to help your daughter to measure up where do you start and end the process?

Consider when a woman rejected her husband of some fifteen years claiming the man is not responsible or that she is tired of him. What type of pleading can touch such a mind? What if your spouse is rejecting you on account of either of your parents? What if it is based on the fact that you are from a poor background? Can you change any of these overnight?

It is a bitter pill though. The force propelling him will not leave him alone until he/she sees the desired situation or setting he/she is dreaming of. At that point nothing matters than his dream. All you can do for him is pray for God’s mercy if you so care.

What Should You Do?

Take your rejection in your strides and move on with your life. Pause; take time to reflect on your life generally. You can go for separation if time permits. You will discover where you misjudged situations. You have no need to condemn and hate yourself. It is not about what happens but what you do and how you handle the situation confronting you that counts.

Distance yourself from him/her. Look inward; what asset do you have that can re establish you? You are just like that widow who came to Prophet Elisha to help her out of debt. The oil in her house was used to turn around the difficult phase of life and peace was restored.

Give Thanks

Be positive about your life, desire the presence of God. He will surely meet you in his glory. As one door closes another one is being opened. Patiently allow God to guide you. Your latter shall be glorious than the former.

The Word says in all things give thanks. It is when you give thanks to God despite what has happened that He will move to bring about your miracle. Let God avenge you. He has all it takes to decorate you beyond measure in the presence of your enemies. God is ready to appoint you for praise and fame in every land where you have been put to shame.

This is God’s word for everyone rejected, jilted and forsaken. Look up to God; make amends where necessary in your life and make peace with all men.

Naturally, you want to aspire for a higher or the best standard of what you already have. We are wired to go for more of any good thing of life. The word says ask that your joy may be full. In the area of knowledge and skill acquisition, business, wealth and health, it is allowed to desire for more. But in marriage, it is not permitted.

Marriage is sacred because God is involved. You may not see it that way, but that is the position. That is why marriage is for matured men and ladies. People who know and understand what marriage stands to achieve for them, go in search of one and once they discover their choice, they settle down to move on in other aspects of their aspirations.

There are reasons why some married men lust after other ladies. Just to mention few:

1. Lust of the flesh: The desire to have a taste of different women though in marriage. Some men fantasize and imagine the excitement of having good times outside marriage.

2.    When a man’s sex urge is higher than that of his wife: In order to manage the urge, he decides to have another woman outside his home. Such men justify their actions by saying, ‘I do not want sex matter to cause disharmony in my home/marriage.’

3.  Peer Pressure: The wrong notion is that ‘since it is accepted in the society, it is a way of life for others, I can equally follow suit’. You follow into sin and bear the pain alone. The graces that cover others may not reach you; do you know?

4.  Lack of Control over being easily arouse: There are scenes that cause men arousal. Different parts of the opposite sex get some men sexually excited; from hairstyles, lips, bust to toe nails could arouse a man. This is the more reason I am appealing to ladies; dress with modesty; moderate and beautiful. By so doing, you bring honour to yourself, at the same time help our men who are not yet mature to keep their peace.

5. A man could get to a phase in life where he feels, his personality and wealth could manage and enjoy more women for him to enjoy his status to the fullest.  There are men who sleep with women at will because they are wealthy or so positioned. Where there is money and power, you have women. This is the revelation and sermon from the devil to stagnate or stunt the man’s progressive journey as well as take away his peace of mind. It is lack of knowledge that will push any man to go this route. Though the beginning may be sweet, most men end with regret.

6.  Some wives are beautiful but not good in the bedroom. Most men are not patient as to teach their wives to please them. Sexual emotion is very powerful; and difficult to put under check. It will be good for couples if they can commit the sex aspect of their life into God’s hand, as they do their business and career. Or you think we should not pray about such things?

If you trim the hair on your head, pedicure your nails, these are within your control; but controlling sex urge, you need help! The more reason you need to commit your sex life into God’s hand. Whoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be saved. Salvation from uncontrollable sexual arousal is crucial for man.

Uncontrolled sex urge is an enemy of good marital life. The book of wisdom says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” (Proverbs 25:28). No restriction to what we can call on God or ask Him for.  It is written, “Ask whatever in my name and my father in heaven shall do it.”

In conclusion, if your husband falls into this category, you can patiently with prayer rescue him. It is your responsibility to help him not to destroy himself further. Make sure you do all in love, and God will protect you from diseases and affliction that might befall him.

Next week, I shall bring to your attention why a wife should not fight or confront her husband’s mistress.

Your marriage is divinely secured.

Marriage is a relationship for companionship, adjustment, co-operation, agreement, tolerance and trust. All should be done with affectionate love and mutual respect for one another.

In other to enjoy the benefits of marriage, you cannot hide things from your spouse. The truth is that you made the choice of who your spouse will be.

How come you now hide things from your partner whom you promised to love and cherish? The moment you venture into keeping things from your spouse, your conscience must be telling you your action is wrong. But you go ahead to do what you have decided to do. This is one of the reasons why some marriages do not stand the test of time. When trust is lost in any marital relationship, such a marriage begins to have its foundation eroded. Soon, it becomes the shadow of what it used to be; then a wall of separation starts to rise between husband and wife.

Today, instead of glory, honour and abundant life associated with marriage, many couples face shame, rejection, ridicule, sickness and even death for lack of trust.

More people among the married populace hold the opinion that a husband should not disclose certain information about himself to his wife. Things like financial status, extended family issues, how much he loves his wife, what goes on between him and his friends, extra-marital affairs, his love child or children, his work or business matters etc. Likewise for most women; the mindset is that they should keep certain aspects of what they do in secret from their husband.

In polygamous families especially, there are issues a woman must settle if she is to be number two or three wife to a man. This is one of them; a man with more than one wife is not supposed to be trusted. Such a man has different compartments in his heart as the number of wives. The word says a double-minded person is like the waves of sea which is not stable and cannot be trusted. It is the responsibility of the woman to check through if she can be open to a man she cannot trust.

If you cannot relate with your spouse in all, then you cannot be a good husband or wife. It is a waste of life and emotion to marry somebody you do not or cannot trust with your life.

Marriage is meant to add valuable and meaningful values to the life of the individual concerned. It is not for pleasing self while displeasing or taking advantage of the other. It should be love with affection for each other, adding mutual respect as the salt of your relationship.

Effect of Holding Back

Keeping secret in marriage is why marital relationships have not been stable. High today, low tomorrow has been the experience of many. The measure by which you mete actions to your spouse, is the same by which he/she will give back. Whatever you are not ready to give, if you are expecting your spouse to give that, it means wickedness. Marriage is give and take. It must not be one sided. You rock the boat of your marriage when you start keeping certain information from your spouse.

Doing anything in secret is not good for the health of your marriage. See to it that you apply the golden rule. Remember your spouse is a human being with feelings like you.

Secret Fear

Stories are being told of how husbands and wives who betrayed each others’ trust. YES! But are you looking forward to being a victim? Well, taking precautions in your own marital relationship by keeping things from your spouse’s knowledge is planning to be a victim.

It is by you meditating on those things that you attract such misfortune. If you call the things that are not in your marriage into being, you will entertain and endure.

Napoleon Hill writes, “whatever the mind of man/woman can conceive and believe in, the mind can achieve. What you do not want, do not think or entertain. But you can hold your peace by believing that your spouse shall not betray your trust. It is that simple.

The Way to Peace And Trust

Very early in my marital journey, I found the word of God that establishes marriage from the beginning which says, “the husband and wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:25; which implies, if you trust your spouse, you shall not be naked or put to shame. Your being open in all with your spouse is not to him/her, but that you honour God in your relationship. And that will bring God into your affairs. This word ministered to my soul and removed fear.

I invited the person of the Holy Spirit to help me in all that I shall do in relating with my husband, since the word says “at the dawn of everyday, God’s help shall be available to me, and that I shall not fail nor fall.” I embraced the peace that came with the word. I concluded that if at any point in our journey together, my husband betrayed me, God shall cover me up and make a way for me to stand. (Psalm 45:5, 1 Corinthians 10:13). Unknown to me, my husband also made such commitment with God.

Indeed, the Holy Spirit took over. For us, we just felt comfortable discussing everything together, which has helped not in a small measure in our business venture together.

We have peace with ourselves as we journey together by HIS grace, and our trust in each other has continually grown. It is not as if there had not been issues of concern, but  that commitment, based on trust in the word of God, has given us confidence to relate with free mind.

Conclusion: Be open to your spouse and see divine covering all over you with honour and glory. And your family will continue to dwell in a peaceful dwelling place. Though the city may be brought low in humiliation, you will enjoy rest on all sides. Jesus is Lord!

No one individual has been able to solve all the problems he/she has met or encountered in life. You win some and lose some but life must continue.

Every phase of life has its own peculiar problem or challenge. When an individual is going through a state of struggle to make changes or good things happen, he/she talks of hard times.

Struggle is part of life’s essential make up. Individuals, families, communities and countries come to a time of difficult and unpleasant conditions at different times in life. You were born to meet challenges or problems either in your immediate family, in your community, town or country.

How privileged are you to have solved and overcome some! But assuredly, by the time you’re exiting this world, there will still be challenges. No one individual has been able to solve all the problems.

As you solve one, another is created. Life is in phases, as you prevail over one phase of life, you enter a new phase with its peculiar challenges, and that is how we sail through in life.

Hard times bring out the best in you. They help you to redirect your life where necessary, pursue and then come out looking better. If you are able to manage things right, a time will come in your life when you will not see them as challenges, but rather as a time to show what you were made of. This is also known as the maturity phase of your life; when you handle situations with ease because you have taken time to learn from obstacles or unpleasant situations. Those who murmur or complain about hard times hardly see the right and permanent solutions to problems. And that explains why most times, such people are tied to others apron for existence; for they could not endure to win.

Oil subsidy removal is today’s test for most Nigerian families. Tomorrow, it may be your children, next your business. From time to time, there will always be something to agitate about either in your country or state. Seeing times like this: as distraction meant to cause you fear and change your focus in the pursuit of your life will help you better to win in the race of life.

If you focus on what could be the effect of hard times, you may be frustrated out of your dream. If you fail to persistently look for a way to reach your own goal, very soon, you will see no one to blame but yourself.

Very early in our publishing business, my husband and I used to handle the distribution of our product, ‘Sports Souvenir’ in the night between the hours of 2am and 5am around Lagos, since we could not hire circulation staff. At this time, incidents of different types of attacks on people were rampant. The stop and search by security officers, corking of guns, and the usual tough voices used by the officers caused us no fear. We think less of any harm coming to us.

Our goal of achieving success has made us to be bold and courageous. When you are sold out to your pursuit, fear dies inside of you, and you become unstoppable.

Supposing we were afraid to do what our business and life demanded at that time, by today we would have been among those who tried and failed. Removal of oil subsidy has presented you with another opportunity to re-fire your life.

The desire to enjoy financial pleasure is a high desire in most people, while very few are ready to plant the right seed  commensurate to their thirst, water the seed, weed and patiently wait for God to show mercy. The truth is that life is a process and you must follow diligently if you want peace of mind to come with progressive life.

Hard times come to wipe out businesses and create new ones. It calls for creativity. It is not the time to go back to your village. Cutting on your budget to the marrow for sustenance will not take you far. Rather, think on how to earn more. Re-train if necessary.

You can decide to start your own business. At least, you will know you are working towards building your financial freedom.

Recognize God as the greatest source of lasting and fulfilling wealth. Establish a good relationship with God so that His promise for year 2012 shall come to be in your home and family. Year 2012 is still very young for you to conclude it’s a tough year. The end of a thing is usually better than the beginning. Therefore, though the early part of 2012 is rough, a little you shall become a thousand. And that small family of yours shall become a strong nation this year says the Lord of hosts. Trust, seek and call on God, you will testify by December 2012 to God’s glory. Oil subsidy is for your blessings to come alive in the name of Jesus.

We shall celebrate!