Over-rating yourself or under-rating your spouse, in a marriage relationship, could destroy the unity of your marriage. Likewise the mindset that your spouse should be perfect in all things – in an imperfect world. It is setting yourself up for disappointment. Your marriage can be likened to a fertile, virgin land bequeathed you. Whatever you plant will be manifested by the quality of your harvest. You must plant and water your seeds before you can expect harvest.

In case you do not know how and where to start, why not discover a need in the life of your spouse which you could work at to meet. This will endear you to him/her – provided no deceit is found in the relationship. The reality today is that people go into marriage relationships with different motives and agenda of which only time could tell. Earlier in our relationship, my husband put this question to me which I answered as per my true desire.

The question bothered on the kind of person I want to become or what people would remember me for. I told him I want to be in a position to help people and also to be recognized as a contributor to humanity. And on that, we both share the same goal. He discovered my weak areas, things that I was doing which were not in line with my dream. He patiently helped me out. After a while, I realized he is a God sent to help me.

Until I got married, I didn’t know there were self-help books like Think and Grow Rich, Success Through Positive Mental Attitude, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind etc. My husband carefully taught me to discover I lacked understanding in certain areas of life: my perception about life was not right. He encouraged me to read self-help books that changed my perception.

I only thought of reading and studying when I wanted to prepare for an examination. Unknown to me, academic books are the routes to self-help books which open one to true life.

He would take time to explain some important points to me, to help my understanding. And that helped me in no small measure.

It wasn’t as if I was serious at his initial lessons. No! He is a reader, he buys magazines, books and foreign papers which he encourages me to read. But earlier, I was not serious at what he was leading me into. Magazines, back then, were for me to get my sleep quickly and I sometimes let him know I wanted to sleep. That was why I picked the magazines to read. But my attitude did not stop him from helping me.

He patiently opened me up to the world of life-changing books that changed my myopic view of life and moved ahead to teach me how to be a good communicator. His caring nature and concern for my development, stirred me up as to think of how I could reciprocate. On my part, I realized my husband is a peace loving, quiet and creative person. I believe creating a conducive environment would help his creativity. So, whatever could cause distraction, I quickly see to it that it never comes up – just as Abigail did in the case of David and her husband, Nabal (1 Samuel 25:11-37).

Mutual appreciation, genuine desire to help your spouse up in life is like a well mixed concrete poured on the foundation of any construction in a swampy land. It solidifies immediately for blocks to come in rows so as to form a beautiful building.

In what way can you add value to your spouse? Discover it patiently, in love, add value and see unity standing your family – out of favour, honour and relevance in our society.

Marriage relationship is a thing of the heart and so make it a burning desire to do all within your level to add value to your spouse. Unity is a catalyst for a progressive marriage.