Unfortunate Situations Of Marriage
The understanding of marriage or what marriage is and marital life is different to different people.
Nigeria is a country blessed with different ways of life, and beliefs and this explains why marriages are struggling.
By understanding, a house is established. For lack of understanding, people go into exile (wrong choice, living with somebody who is not for you). Marriage is living in bondage to many. While people of understanding are living in paradise though on earth.
Knowing the how and why of marriage is the starting point for enjoyable and lasting marital relationship.
Different Beliefs of Marriage
To some customs, marriage occurs when a lady is transferred into another family. The lady becomes a property, slave without honour or dignity. She is seen like a second class citizen in the family. Her children are regarded in the family than she who gave birth to them.
The man who brought the woman into the family as his wife, has little or no say about what happens to his so-called wife. The elders, the sisters and brothers dictate what happens.
Sexual union is the only thing the man can do with his wife without a query from the elders. I have heard of a mother-in-law who ordered from wedding venue that all the gifts belong to the family members. Till today, the marriage is struggling to stand.
In another culture, once you are married, you are given freedom to establish your own family. You and your wife design and live how you want it. The elders caution when it is necessary. If they observe things are not going the way they should be.
They are not forceful about anything, rather they counsel you, giving reasons why their family name must not be put to shame. To such family, a wife is seen as an alien, who they must care for. Make sure she feels at home as to be a blessing to their family. They want to remain in the good books of their in-laws. A man that comes to take their daughter as wife is made to be one of their sons; for the family believes in love, care and unity.
The difference between the two cultures explained above is the understanding and knowledge of what marriage should be.
On the other hand, there are wives’ families where the husbands are looked down upon; especially when the mother-in-law is the domineering type.
She dictates what happens in her daughters’ home. In her bid to secure her daughter’s marriage, she gets overboard, becoming a terror to the husband’s family. Instead of getting married to your wife, you discover you have two women to manage and you are in-between them as a slave. You have no mind of your own.
You are afraid in your house (struggling to please people you cannot please). What you do with your children is dictated to you by your mother-in-law. She wants to know everything, be everywhere with you. The man is not given a space to look at his own parent/people. That is the spirit of Jezebel; wicked, self-centred attachment. More so, there are men who choose a lady as wife because of wealth. Just know that you are selling your freedom. Going into slavery by yourself.
I was at a wedding ceremony sometime ago. As the engagement was going on, it dawned on me that the groom had gone to a place above him to take a wife. The way the bride’s mother handled things showed she was the domineering type.
Everyone present needed no soothsayer to know that the bride’s family were wealthy as they were lording it over the groom’s family. I whispered to the person that invited me. Why did you allow your brother to marry this lady? She told me they’ve called their brother to observe what they have heard about the mother but he will not see reason with them. About some months after the ceremony, Mr. Adaranijo had to run away for his life; he abandoned the lady.
For either man or woman, married into a family where you are not wanted or welcomed is a misfortune. It is an uphill task that leads to frustration, stunted growth and backwardness. Marriage is fruitful in the atmosphere of love and affection.
You are better of if you marry into a family that serves and believes God. But if by omission you did not consider the culture and belief of your marital relations, all hope is not lost. Whatever negative situation you find yourself by the reason of your marriage, God has made a way of escape for you to enjoy peace and progress.
<strong>The Way Forward</strong>
If you are in a marriage and you are not happy, you discover you have made a mistake. You even want to run away from the marriage as Mr. Adaranijo did. As the year 2009 gradually comes to a close, why not take your mistake to God for correction. Answer these questions. Can you believe the word of God? Can you hand over that marriage to God? Do you have the ability to forgive them that have hurt you as a result of your error? If yes, then, separate yourself; be alone with God as you fight your life out of confusion; first with yourself, then with your spouse. Let God take over the situation. The word says, come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden… your marriage is the heavy load, cast it on Him. Who will make it light as a sheet of paper.
Let God translate you and your spouse from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His dear son of God as He did for my marriage. In Jesus’ kingdom, every written code and the regulations standing against your joy, peace, progress and fruitfulness; more than two thousand years ago was nailed to the cross by Him and He said it is finished.
What He has finished can never come to hurt you, except you allow it. So fight it out with the power that creates the earth. Fight on your knees, get the word of God, believe it and enter into your rest in the year 2010. Good marital relationship is one of the best catalyst to paradise on earth. Fight for yours. Saturate your life, marriage and home with the word of God and see peace and love restored.
Passages: Matthew 11:28; 1 Corinthians 10:13; Colossians 2:13-14 and Colossians 1:16-17, 2 Chronicles 7:14
twinsdaddy1 on November 20th, 2009
how-i-save-my-marriage-from-unwanted-child-birth on Unfortunate Situations of Marriage. Pastor Mrs Esther Obazu-Ojeagbase ride on God has something good for marriages of this generation I am blessed with this write up.