Favoured Child: Do You Have One? (Part 1)
Children are God’s heritage, the reward that suits couples who find God’s favour to have them. Giving birth to children is a privilege; not by power or might but by His mercy.
For every child born into a family, they come with their unique favour from both parents. But there are children whose uniqueness of favour stands distinct, either as a result of the circumstances surrounding their birth or just by divine aura surrounding the child.
And there are times you have children with unique instinct, gift or talent that suits either parents which act as a magnetic pull that attracts the parent to a particular child. In such a case, you see the mother or father being carried away in the way they relate with such a child without consideration for the feelings of others.
Most parents who are victims of favoured child syndrome, justify such actions of theirs, just as when a man has made up his mind to take another wife. Nothing else makes sense to him like the decision he has made. He is ready to disqualify any alternative suggestion.
So it is with the family when a child is favoured than others. Couples disagree on which child is more favoured and tend to take a hard stand. And the unity of such a family starts to erode.
The question is: Is it human to favour one child over another? The answer is yes: one can equally say it is divine. How? God says He would favour whoever he pleases, which shows His supremacy, Exodus 33 vs 19.This was as it happened in the case of Esau and Jacob.
Right from the womb, God took a stand against Esau and favoured Jacob. The parents played to the gallery and both of them had their rewards.
Although by deceit, he took what belonged to his brother, Esau, Jacob escaped to Laban’s place who was Rebekah’s cousin. Rebekah had no privilege of setting her eyes on Jacob till she died. What a painful reward? Isaac was deceived into giving his best prayer/blessing to his wife’s favourite.
He by himself, was tricked into cursing his own favourite son to serve his brother. However you look at favouritism, it has negative impact on relationships, and a big gap is created.
As no one can question God, man is answerable to his/her action or decision. This explains why Rebekah and Isaac paid dearly for their folly. The supremacy of God is never in doubt. Esau made a headway at the end, which was revealed when Jacob decided to meet with him, as he was returning from Laban’s house. It is not recorded that Esau remained a pauper all his life, that is still the grace of God.
Despite Jacob’s wealth in Laban’s house, through his cunning strategy, he came to himself to know God’s blessing that he had not. And that is why Jacob had to wrestle with an angel for a change of name.
Different Shapes of Favouritism in the family
A father prefers to treat and admire his child than his wife; the mother of the child. There is nothing wrong in that, but it is wrong to show it. Where a man/woman show preference, you automatically set the father or mother against that child.
A seed of discord is planted which could affect the future of the family, in terms of unity and progress. It also means that you have set other children against your favoured child as in the case of Joseph and his brothers.
Jacob’s love for Rachael was transferred to Joseph. Even when Joseph had a dream of greatness, Jacob still lacked the wisdom with which to unite his children.
He went ahead showing off his unique love. He thereby created envy, jealousy and bitterness in his family. This led to selling of the favourite child into slavery.
The Word of God says, the mind of man is desperately wicked; only He can know it. Where there is bitterness, and hurt without remorse, a workshop has been created for Satan, who goes to and fro recruiting people into his kingdom.
Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, had His own favourite disciples. Peter, James and John were the first set of disciples He called to follow Him with a promise to make them.
With the exception of Judas, others were also made. Jesus was able to shower love and blessing on all His disciples. He says greater work than I have done you will do. So, parents have the ability to overcome this negative trait.
The purpose for this write-up is to let parents know that most problems in their families today, start from either ignorance or their foolish behaviour.
Some favour a male child over a female. Some desire the child and not the father or the mother. It happens in a monogamous and polygamous setting. Showing love to a fault is destructive.
Fathers and mothers should be matured enough to keep some of these destructive traits at bay in their homes. Many glorious destinies have been closed, some derailed, and many children are in the grave today by this act of ignorance.
It is time for couples to get wise and preserve their old age.
Clemento on October 14th, 2009
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Clemento on October 18th, 2009
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